The Nomad has been awakened

There are many moments in a person’s life where they choose to pursue a vision or cling to the convenience of continuance. Then there’s the moments where you are forced to decide upon a journey.  The road crumbles behind you and the road ahead fades off into a gradual decline.

My life has recently experienced the first moment as a result of the culmination of latter moments. I did the good grades thing.  School wasn’t necessarily exciting, but it wasn’t too hard either.  I usually payed attention and tried my best because I didn’t want to deal with the uncertainty that came with not getting adequate grades. Then came college.  I chose to enter the field of Computer Science because I wanted to make computer games.  Seemed logical, right?  Plus I delved into programming (QBasic mostly) while in high school and became well-rounded in math, logic and computer skills. Then college hit me.  For the first time, I was away from my family and friends.  The classes were easy at the start, but as my second year was starting, I could see that there would be much more new material and I would actually have to hunker down to get passing grades.  I couldn’t just slide by like my first year.  I had to make a choice: try harder and hopefully become a programmer or quit and try to find a new avenue.  My interests were quickly fading from computers to music and philosophy.  I figured I would just go work a normal job and try to do something with music/writing/film; something that I could be creative with.  I realized that I wasn’t meant to be a programming drone.  I wanted to come up with concepts for games, but not have to do the actual coding, and I soon learned that gigs like that must be earned and all I could do to get into that arena was to continue my education.  That would include trudging through long hours of intense logic and tests, and I was in no way ready for that kind of dedication.

So out I went, and with my parachute I descended upon a wasteland of direction.  The next few years were heaping struggles in finding a purpose to my life.  I was literally stuck.  My early 20’s were a forging of self, re-defining what I hated and what I loved.  But all I could see was hate because I couldn’t figure out how to find the love. Luckily I did not make any rash decisions, and eventually some people came into my life that helped to improve my confidence and values. I finally started to understand stuff like finances and politics, although the financial lessons had to be done via trial and error.  Even this period of my life was a whirlwind of emotions and uncertainty, but at least I had a few things figured out.  I was gaining momentum and I decided to move out west to Colorado and make some money in the oil fields.  My Dad knew a guy my age who was out there doing that kind of work and I ended up joining him and another guy from Wisconsin.  I only lasted 3 months before moving back home, but I made some good money and got a first-hand realization that I loved nature.  The mountains and open land were a pleasant sight.  You literally can forget about all the crap you’re dealing with as you’re staring off the edge of a mountain-side; seeing wildlife, forests and skies that go forever.  It’s quite a lesson in perspective.  The human being is a tiny, tiny thing compared to the rest of things on Earth.

I returned to Wisconsin, even though I almost stayed in Colorado or moved farther west to Idaho. Idaho always appealed to me, ever since going there on a summer vacation with my family.  I read about the low crime and quality of life in Boise and after being in Colorado, I knew that someday I had to get back out west.  In the meantime though, I was again at a crossroads of what to do.  I turned to music.  I never thought I could sing or play an instrument well, even though I had tried guitar for a while and I sang all the time in my car.  But after attending a local rock concert, I took a singer’s words to heart and decided that if I love music, why not try to do something with it.  And there started my venture into unleashing my creativity, writing talent and passion. My friend Matt and I began the process of playing music with a variety of members over the next couple years.  We wrote songs, played shows and even recorded an album. I found there isn’t too much better than performing your heart out on a stage. But with music comes struggle and discord. Bands can be volatile or fractured. Your friends that you clung to as an unstoppable force when things were going right, did in fact have other interests or even other ideas that clash with your own. Some have families and other lifestyle limitations;  some aren’t willing to work on their craft to give the best possible outcome.  It’s what happens. Very few bands continue on to have success, especially in Northern Wisconsin.

Our first band transformed a few times and eventually broke up with the drummer and I forming a new project based on punk rock instead of the metal/hard-rock direction. I donned a guitar and suddenly it made a lot more sense after working with Matt so much in the first band. Granted, I was only playing a punk rock style, but regardless it was coming out how I wanted.  It also gave me a ton of freedom to use my lyrics better and really create without waiting for others.  Tim and I eventually found other members to complete the band and we set out making raw hardcore punk.  During this time I had also joined a thrash metal band as a vocalist and these dudes had their stuff together.  We played a bunch of shows and wrote some material, and it was a total blast.  It was a lot less pressure than playing guitar and singing at the same time, even though I was kinda nervous about working with really talented and experienced musicians.

Eventually the fun ran out with the punk band.  Tim wasn’t able to commit to it anymore and it basically fell into my hands alone with Tim helping with whatever he could.  So I just kept on writing and recording material, even learning how to program drums.  The thrash band was still there but we weren’t writing anything new and were basically at a standstill.  Most of those guys had families and to them it was a serious hobby band.  I started to look at my options and dreams once again.  I always thought that someday I’d be able to make enough money and go move out west, but then I thought “What is keeping me here?”  The answer was pretty much one thing: music.  With the thrash band not really going anywhere, even though we could have and the punk band becoming a solo project that I could take with, I started to make plans to move to Boise, Idaho.  I made the commitment and told the band.  They started to look for a replacement vocalist and as time went on, they just decided to play a couple final shows and call it quits.  Time was flying by and soon enough I was saying goodbye to my friends and hauling all I owned in my Dad’s truck and my car.

That brings us to Boise.  It was great being here, being able to see mountains every day, enjoying a lot more sunshine than  I’m used to and most importantly doing things on my own with a lot more confidence and knowledge than when I went to college or Colorado.  I quickly set myself up with an apartment and some jobs.  Before I started working, I got to go hiking, biking and exploring.  It was everything I hoped it’d be.  This area is wonderful. Then I started working two jobs and found not much time to do exciting things.  And considering I wasn’t getting paid much, I started to feel like I was treading water or just surviving.  That’s when I started thinking about living in an RV.  My research led me to a much better option for my limited income: a van!  I toyed with the idea for about a month and then I decided it was very do-able.  It would allow me to cut out the biggest cost: Rent. It would force me to enjoy the outdoors and make the most of my time because I wouldn’t have easy access to electricity.  Every thing I needed or really wanted, I could still be able to do in this situation.  And most importantly, It would allow me to save up enough money to do some traveling in my future.

So there’s my journey to this point.  I’ve bought my van.  I’ve insulated and got it ready for living.  I’ve sold my car.  I’ve set up arrangements to sadly send my awesome cat, Olaf, back to Wisconsin.  I’ve started organizing and down-sizing my belongings even more.  I’m almost ready to begin. That moment where you choose to chase a vision;  that moment was staring me in the eyes and I chose to to tackle it.  I still feel a little down out here, with not many friends or assurances, but most of the time I feel great and ready to do anything.  It’s amazing what a change of scenery and doing what you really want in life can do for your emotional health.  Stay tuned for all the insane details!